I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
