Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
is wine microwaveable?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
