no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
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