he wants to bone in the snuggie
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
