You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
