maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
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He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
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I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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