I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
this hospital has no fireball
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
