Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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