so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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