just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
