i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
