3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize