actually, I'm a sock model
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
