Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
