We won't sleep together?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize