I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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