she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
