She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
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I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize