K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
