Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
