just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
