I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
