Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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