His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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