R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
sex in a hospital.. check
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
