Say something about gay babies.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
