Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
