The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
