Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
