booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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