Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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