even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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