What did we do last night that was yellow?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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