Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
