Your mouth is God's brothel.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
