chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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