just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
