New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
