I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
