we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
