I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
