at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
