I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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