the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
