I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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