I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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