Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
