Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
