a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
