I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
