"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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