i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
