Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
