hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
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In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
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I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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