i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
