we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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