Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
How does one acquire holy water?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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