batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
