Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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