i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
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i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
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Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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