I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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