FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
