I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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