Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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