Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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