he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
