I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
no you cant smoke seaweed
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
