They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
