First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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